TIP

This article was generated through direct image recognition, so there may be recognition errors. If you encounter any issues, please leave a comment in the comment section or wait for the author’s manual proofreading.

WARNING

This article may contain content that could trigger depressive feelings. If you have relevant mental health conditions, please judge for yourself whether it is suitable for you to read.

My previous Chinese teacher once said: “People always put a beautiful filter on their memories of the past.” I more or less agree with this. However, my head teacher once said: “One must be willing to let go of the past to move forward unburdened.” I dismissed this idea, even opposed it strongly. I will explain the reason later.

Everyone’s memories certainly contain all kinds of events. Of course, there are both good and bad ones—such as moments of success and embarrassment. It is undeniable that compared to the unknown future, things from the past are certain and known. And the known can just overcome the fear of the unknown. As an old saying goes: “First, look at what you already have!” Therefore, it is almost impossible for us to forget the past.

However, this gives rise to some problems. For example, you may feel regret over some missed opportunities in the past. This is normal and common. But if you feel endless regret over these missed chances, this can evolve into an obsession. Then, at some moment, it will resurface and drag you into an infinite loop of negative emotions. Of course, avoiding all this is simple—just let go of the past.

But here lies the problem: How can an obsession be so easily let go? And if something can be easily let go, how can it be called an obsession? At least, there is one thing I have never been able to let go of. When I (Yi Wei) was a child, I loved programming very much. Putting aside how good I was at it for a moment [actually, I had won a municipal first prize (the highest award) of extremely high level (at least in my opinion) and a district second prize (which was equivalent to a higher-level special prize). What hit me hard was that my original work was accused of plagiarism, yet the organizers never provided any evidence], I was about to transition from primary school to junior high school at that time, and I also wanted to continue developing my programming skills. From what I knew (actually, my father told me this), YC Junior High School had a class focused on this field back then. I really wanted to attend it, but my poor math skills caused me to fail the independent enrollment exam. Even if I tried to use personal connections, the issue wasn’t just about money—I wasn’t even sure if I could find such connections in the first place. Not to mention that YC only converted to a public school when I was in the second year of junior high—before that, it was a private school, so tuition fees were an even bigger problem. By then, I had already been admitted to a relatively good junior high school (reportedly among the top two public schools in the area; it would be more appropriate to call this “targeted admission”), so this matter was left unresolved.

It’s somewhat ridiculous that I (Yi Wei) didn’t know back then that the so-called “class focused on this field” was actually an Olympiad in Informatics (OI) class. But it didn’t matter whether I knew or not—even if I had known, it wouldn’t have helped, because public schools simply didn’t have the resources or capacity to support competitive programming. As for why I fell into this obsession, I have to mention my math teacher. My impression of her is mixed, to say the least. After all, I have to admit that her math skills were truly excellent. But what ruined her impression in my mind was her intentional sarcasm and harshness towards me (honestly, when she was nice, she seemed like a completely different person). I still remember a comment she made to mock me when I first entered the school: “Sit down, product of cram schools.” I can’t say for sure if she remembers this, but I will remember it for the rest of my life. (Maybe this counts as another obsession too?) There was also the “incredibly talented” kid she always talked about (I’ll remember this person for life too). According to her, her kid seemed to have won a national first prize in the Olympiad in Informatics or something similar. Yet at that time, the only award I had was a municipal first prize (and it was the only one I ever got during my junior high years).

It’s easy to see what happened next. Coupled with all the troubles I went through in high school, my regret deepened continuously, and eventually turned into an obsession. If an obsession becomes too persistent, it turns into a kind of suffering.

Human memory has a characteristic: it retains unpleasant things more and more clearly. Now, going back to the question at the beginning: Because fundamentally, people are nostalgic. This trait not only doesn’t weaken with age, but becomes even stronger. Therefore, people will always have a kind of obsession with the past.

Postscript

We can’t say that obsession can be completely resolved, but we can do our best to minimize its impact. For example, by understanding the choices we made back then. In fact, I now realize that if I had chosen the path of Olympiad in Informatics back then, I might not have reached my current level today. I have to admit that this obsession still exists, but its impact on me has actually lessened a lot.

Life, by its very nature, is made up of countless choices. Time is one-dimensional, so there is no possibility of starting over. Therefore, cherish the present, allow the past to exist, and let yourself move towards the future—instead of wallowing in loss.

EaciWereGone

September 26, 2025